sealed with a kiss
i have a letter for you, i keep it in the back pocket of my mind but it's all about you, i
 wrote it after today, i'm sending it into space, maybe one day it will reach you.

the ring is round and has no end,,, that's how long i'll be your friend.

when i was young, i've always wanted to live in a tree house. thinking what having my own family would feel like. I wanted to live near the beach where I wouldn't be disturbef by anyone, other than my husband of course. and we would have a giant tree house in our backyard.
Now at 23, i want to live in a nice home near work but I still want to own a resthouse near the beach and my own tree house, a place that I can seek refuge from modern life.

If friends can be lovers, then why can't lovers be friends?

i find good hygiene very attractive. I love the smell of soap, handwash, shampoo, shower gel, laundry detergent, toothpaste and all things clean.

i analyse like a writer, visualize like a drawer, move like a dancer, speak like a leader, laugh like a child and cry like a sage, forgiving, forgetting, holding onto my age. Parting with unwanted years and introducing unused tears, I crouch silently and await impending fears. I love like a mother, disobey like a daughter, live like a teen and act like a toddler. I search and explore, admire, adore, I want to learn more, more! more! more! I'm fond of new ways, new change and new days, i count my blessings then give them away. i watch and observe, sketch what I see, think of the future then write what's to be.

it's painful to say "i love you" and not hear it back.
that's why I lied to my ex-boyfriends, and replies, "me, too".
In hindsight, those were just words. Words that made people happy, i love making people happy.
I wonder if they'd be angry at me now, if they found out that I lied, or maube appreciative of the gesture? The male ego is fragile and delicate thing.
Maybe I did love them, to an extent.
The older i am, the more I understand love.
No power or force on earth can be stronger than love.

FRIENDS season 2, episode 1 quote
Ross: You are way to good to be with a guy like that. You deserve to be with someone who appreciates you, and who gets how funny and sweet and amazing, and adorable and sexy you are, you know? Someone who wakes up every morning thinking "Oh, my god, I'm with Rachel". You know, someone who makes you feel good...

his smile.
smiles. warm,genuine smiles.
nothing beats the flash of pearly whites. It's like when a flashbulb from a camera brightens up a dark place before a photo is taken.
i haven't seen that smile in 5 days.
another 26 days to go.

i remembered the people that left me behind, or rather those that I left behind and couldn't retrieve. it still hurts, when i poke at the memory. The cavity between my ribs when I roused was a painful awakening because I thought that I was over it. It only took an innocent conversation with some girl friends about emotional baggage for the nostalgia to rudely interrupt my subsconscious, once again.

love and marriage
His hello was the end of her endings.
Her laugh was their first step down the aisle.
His hand would be hers to hold forever.
His forever was as simple as her smile.
He said she was what was missing,
she said instantly she knew.
She was a question to be answered,
and his answer was I do.
It is quite inspirong to witness two people who know that they want to be together for the rest of their lives, to be bound forever-especially the ones that have only dated for months. There are many factors to consider before tying the knot. Having mutual faith in God, age, period of dating, financial stability- which interlinks with work, family and other commitments. Must we evaluate every aspect and satisfy ALL these factors before we commit ourselves forever? For once, maybe we should throw this checklist out the window and just follow our hearts.

full inbox
my boyfriend gets lots of text messages every single day. I know, because I'm the one sending them to him. Everytime I have thought or think about something funny or read something interesting, I stop everything I'm doing and drop him a text message. Globelines is so lucky to have me.
He's gotten messages that consists of: "My throat is sore." "i just bought myself a slurpy drink. Is it normal to be craving for sugar this early in the morning?" "I'm falling asleep at work.:
Most of the text messages are brief and once in a while, I'd send him quotes that I've read from somewhere. At any rate, he claims that the dozens of text messages per hour don't annoy him. i guess that means he really like me, or that he's an attention hog and finds comfort in the fact that someone is constantly thinking of him.
I'm actually starting to miss his monkeyface.

What's in a name?
First stupid argument with the boyfriend:
Me: I refer to you as 'Anthony' to my friends.
Him: Do you secretly like a guy named Anthony or something?
Me: No, I already told you the story behind the name Anthony, you're real name is just too hard to pronounce, so Anthony will do.
Him: But Anthony isn't my name...
Me: What's your problem, why are you being difficult for! Just think of it as a nickname.
Him: But I don't particularly like the name Anthony, it's such a gay name.
Me: I like the name Anthony!
Him: Would you like it if I called you Angela?
Me: Yeah, Angela is fine, you can even call me Angie, or Angelina (Jolis)! Yo can call me whatever you want.
Him: Ok, whatever then.
Me: Whatever yourself.
*silence*
Him: Are you actually getting angry at me for not wanting to be called Anthony because I prefer that my girlfriend calls me by my actual name?
Me: Errr... This is such a stupid thing to fight about.
Him: You started it.
***I think this is the most grown uo and mature relationship I've ever been in ^_^ ***

C and D
Relationships aren't as simple as they used to be. Whatever happend to the innocent days when we meet someone, sparks fly, there's chemistry and we soon presume to ritual dating?
Nowadays, a relationship doesn't involve just the two people; other parties somehow get themselves tangles in the situation. Its not just the two of us anymore. there are other people to consider, other issues to fix. At the end of the day, you wonder if it's even worth the trouble.
Is it because we're getting older so everything has to get harder? I remember the days when satisfaction came from just walking hand in hand with my boyfrind to the bus stop. Or walking and talking along side him. Those innocent days are over. Now, when you meet someone new, they don't come as single as they look. Some can come with emotional baggage, an ex partner or disapproving friends. All these aspects amost outweigh the potential relationship itself. I guess at one stage or another, we must draw the line to decide where our priorities lie and if it's worth taking the plunge.

"The number you have dialled is out of coverage area, please try agin late"
Panic.Confusion.Paranoia.Thoughts wander.
What is more frustrating than not being able to contact someone? When the operator advises that the phone has been switched off, i feel like someone has switched off my support line. Yes, I have this need to contact certain people asnd it drives me insane when I can't hunt them down. It's quite unhealthy to harbour such an obsession over fine communication; the constant demand to be heard and understood is sometimes more trouble than its worth.
My redial key is worn out, overused. i can hear the operator day, "try again late" but the worf "later" gets mentally blocked. What is it that possesses me to redial after being notified that the mobile is off? Perhaps it's my stubborn nature. Or maybe I should realize that not everybody is like me, not everybody hangs up on ther boyfriend and turn their phone off, only to turn it back on two minutes late and be disappointed with the absence of an apology via text message. Normal people don't go nuts, flooding others with text messages, those people have self control and patience, the two traits which I truly lack.


Sassy Gurl
I must admit that I'm not your regular easy going, laid back girlfriend. I can be high maintenance and unreasonable. being my boyfriend is like having a full time job. Only you don't get paid but you'd at least be compensated with the occasional julberry kisses. my crazy antics were unbelievable; I'm pretty sure my ex-boyfriends had to seek therapy after being with me. Have you watched How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days? Imagine that.
When korean cinema comes to mind, most people would have propbably seen or heard about My Sassy Girl. There were indeed unforgettable scenes from that movie, but the sassy heroine was so unpleasant. You didn't know whether to smack her across the head or hug her until she kicked you to stop. The plot demonstrated how unpredictable she was, with absolutely no apology or explanation for the way she behaved. My favorite part of the movie was when the guy listed ten things you should know about the gurl, before getting into any kind of relationship with her.
I've always wondered what my obnoxious traits were as a girlfriend, so I asked my ex-boyfriends to make a list of my silly habits. I guess I wasn't that unbearable. Actually, it might be because I've traumatized them to the point where they can't forget how neurotic i coud be.
1. feed her when she's hungry, she loves to eat. She likes meat so son't force her to try anything new.
2. if she wants to show you her new clothes, encourage her to. She likes to do a mini fashion parade after shopping.
3. If she calls you at night, tell her you're going to make a cup of coffee first- you'll definitely need it. You might need panadol too (for potential headaches).
4. Be prepared to be awakend by her at two in the morning because she sometimes gets nightmares, and needs to be comforted.
5. If she asks you whether or not you think another girl is prettier than she is, always say no.
6. Don't tickle her or don't even try and break her, as she'll be annoyed and poke you where it'd really hurt.
7. She hates bad photos of herself, so when she deletes them, don't question her.
8. If she cries, baby carry her.
9. If she's angry, buy her a chuckie drink or a cupcake and she'll cool down.
10. When you speak on the telephone or mobile, ALWAYS allow her to hang up first.
Hmmm..
No wonder I'm still single.^_^

Reflections
At the moment, I think that lust in some ways is less exasperating and more satisfying than love. Familiar, mesmerizing and fleeting, it can be set off anytime, anywhere. The majority of people crave for the one that they believe to be perfect for them because they're in love with the notion of being in love. In actual fact, their naivety and lack of experience makes it harder for them to cope with how unpresictable people are, and how this can taint and destroy relationships.
It has been more than a year since we parted, and it won't surprise me if it takes nine years for me to find another that I would want to spend the rest of my life with. Some say that after the break-up, i've become pessimistic. I can say that I'm not bitter, I'm better. Everytime my heart breaks a little, I learned how to glue the pieces back together on my own.
Like a cut, life following a relationship begins to recover after the primary anguish, resulting rage and final knowledge that it wasn't meant to be after all. Everything seems to be moving forward on the surface but beneath it all, memories from the past return and eager to shape themselves nto the current puzzle. When history catches up with the present, you can't help but question where we went wrong. Like the scab that could've, should've, would've, but didn't heal because you picked at it, so was the relationship that could've, should've, would've, but didn't surveive  because you did something deliberately off beam.
Why is growing up a compulsory thing? I want to stick a band aid over my problems, but it's more difficult at twenty three than it was at thirteen. I can't ask for a pardon, plea for a second chance or build a time machine to go back and fix everything.

Alone together
There is a big difference from being alone and being lonely. I can be in a vrowd, surrounded by friends yet I can still feel like I am the only person in the room. Unlike me, he just likes solitude. I guess everybody should be comfortable with solitude before they should take on any time of relationship. When you're alone, you're most comfortable. When you're alone, you can finally think clearly. When you/re alone, you;'re wholly understood. When you;re alone, you learn about yourseld. So, i guess he and I should be alone together.

you see,

*I'm not lazy, I'm efficient. I delegate and assign taskes to people becuase I know that they will do a better job than I would. See, I know how to utilize my resources.

*I'm not obsessive. I'm passionate.

*I take shortcuts, as long as the result is the same at the end. This again does not mean I am lazy, it means that I'm sufficient.

*I'm not vain, I take pride in my appearance.

* I'm not immature, I'm playful.

BFFs last 4ever like beach and its sand...

 

Didn't they say that I would make a mistake
Didn't they say you were gonna be trouble
People told me you were too much to take
I couldn't see it
I didn't wanna know

I let you in and you let me down
You messed me up and you turned my life around
You left me feeling I had no where to go
I was alone
How was I to know that

You'd be there
When I needed somebody
You'd be there
The only one who can help me

I had a picture of you in my mind
Never knew it could be so wrong
Why'd it take me so long just to find
The friend that was there all along

Who'd believe that after all we've been through
I'd be able to put my trust in you
Goes to show you can forgive and forget
looking back, I have no regrets cause

You'd be there
When I needed somebody
You'd be there
The only one to help me

I had a picture of you in my mind
Never knew it could be so wrong
Why'd it take me so long just to find
The friend that was there all along

You'd be there
When I needed somebody
You'd be there...fiqa
The only one to help me

I had a picture of you in my mind
Never knew it could be so wrong
Why'd it take me so long just to find
The friend that was there all along

I had a picture of you in my mind
Never knew it could be so wrong
Why'd it take me so long just to find
The friend that was there all along

ranting with a soul..

Suppression
by troubadour

{bound}
What is life-
if I am not free?
if iron chains drag you down
and with fetters I am bound
with walls all around
What is love-
if I am not free?
{bound}

I remember a month ago, there was this seminar I attended. He is a professor and a writer, and a casual blogger. I asked him at the open forum, "Is this a personal blog?". But he answered no, because he does not do rants.

What comes to my mind about ranting is shout-outs, thinking out loud, and mind-farts. Freedom of expression, they say. Many people rant through blogs, and I am one of them.

Talking about blogs, I'm just curious how much money people make from blogging. And how much time they spend on front of the computer doing their blogs.

First, this blog is not primarily a money blog. I do not have the luxury of time to update my blog every now and then, and direct traffic to this site. But I do want money, but I just have to realize sooner or later that I am not going to make money online quick from this blog, compared to the other money-generating blogs. I blog because I want to share my thoughts, and my faith. I could rant. And I could do literature. But without much money.

Secondly, I rant with a soul, meaning, I share my feelings, my thoughts, but not without my realizations and reflections. Ika nga, "An unexamined life is not worth living," Socrates said.

A final note, you may comment on my posts. Share your ideas. They are accepted, too. Don't worry, I will not have you killed by my international network of hitmen. Just kidding. LOL

Quote of today:

"You are one in a hundrillion."
- Fr. Vester, talking about the uniqueness of a person.

sorry people if i needed a little break from my blog.. but I'm back now. let's start this year right this time. btw... i would like to introduce my BFF (meaning best friend forever) too busy i failed to introduce her to you guys... here's our pic...



her name is jhoysi. ^_^

This is a picture of me NOW.

sometimes it pays to be single.
i guess that's how it should be.
right now...


this is me NOW. better.

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one

Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me

Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way


I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

more than a year and Madeleine Mccann is still missing..

pray for missing children.